Archive for September, 2011

Don’t Be “That Guy!”…….. LOL! Whatever!

I came across an article last week by Matthew Berry from ESPN. It’s about being “THAT GUY” in a fantasy football league. You know the type, every league has one or more. But that’s what makes leagues funny and at the end of the season everyone has something to remember. Some people take it a little more serious than others and that’s not my fault, but it always gets someone upset.  Unless you’ve just been gang raped by your league, at which point you might want to consider finding another league, i doubt anyone is really trying to do you any harm. After all, i would assume your in a league with a bunch of guys you actually know. If not, that’s your fault for not having friends that like sports………. go pour yourself a glass of zinfandel, turn on dancing with the stars and cry yourself to sleep. Just make sure since your doing the crying that you actually know what your doing. Fantasy Football should be all about having fun. Sure there are some heated exchanges on the message boards during the year, but hey, we’re guys! We can actually go off on a friend and ten minutes later we could be laughing together about something else. Those are the kind of guys i want to hang out with. Never take it personal, or else forget Fantasy Football and take up knitting you bitch! LOL!

I thought this article, when read by some of the guys in our league would automatically think of one or more of the other owners………….. enjoy!

By Matthew Berry
Turns out, Jeff is “That Guy.”

Jeff P., from Snyder, Texas, wrote to me with the following.

“Yo! What’s up with this line from your ‘Draft Day Manifesto’? ‘And certainly, Ben Roethlisberger will be solid.’ (What) happened there in Week 1? Is he going to be going the way of Donovan McNabb or does he really have a comeback season in him somewhere? I need to know before I drop him and try to pick up Cam Newton.”

First, Jeff, I think what happened to Ben in Week 1 was that Baltimore exposed a weak Steelers offensive line and came much more prepared to play. And losing Willie Colon for the season doesn’t help Ben at all.


It’s not a comeback season you’re looking for because there is nothing to come back from. Ben was terrific from a fantasy perspective last season, and he led his team to the Super Bowl. The Steelers play the NFC West this year, starting with a nice home game against the Seahawks this week. He is in the same system, with the same coaches and elite playmakers around him, which is a completely different situation than McNabb is in. The comparison is, to be kind, insane.

I’m pretty sure not even Cam Newton would drop Big Ben for himself after just one week.

Ben will be just fine so, no, I do not recommend dropping him for a rookie who had one good game. Yes, Cam Newton put up an impressive display and is an interesting pickup, but it was one game against one of the worst pass defenses in the league that was geared toward stopping Carolina’s run game. In fact, I’ll even say I’d rather have Rex Grossman or Chad Henne this year than Cam Newton, if you’re looking for a guy. (If you read last week’s “You Heard Me,” you’ll see I am high on both as sleepers this year.)

Don’t be “That Guy,” Jeff. The overreacting guy.

Like anything else in life, there is a right way to do fantasy football and a wrong way. No one likes “That Guy.” Not even if “That Guy” is a girl.

What defines “That Guy?” I asked the gang on my Facebook page and on Twitter what one thing annoyed them the most. This elicited a deluge of responses, more than any other question I have ever posed, and they’re still pouring in.

So, be honest. Are you “That Guy?”

That Guy whines about what could have been. “I would have won if I had started Early Doucet instead of Roddy White.” Yeah, dude, because you’re the only one who would have had a better lineup if you could see into the future.

That Guy talks about his team non-stop. Listen, the least interesting thing in the world to anyone (except me, because it’s my job) is having to hear about any team that is not theirs. You didn’t ask about my team, why do you think I care about yours?

That Guy suggests insane trade offers. No, dude, I do not want to deal Vincent Jackson for Ted Ginn, despite Week 1 results. I’m gonna try and hang tough here. If you wouldn’t trade Vincent Jackson for Ted Ginn, why do you think I would? Unless you’d be honestly willing to do the same trade in reverse, don’t offer it.

Speaking of trades, That Guy doesn’t respond to reasonable trade offers and ignores emails. Hey, you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. A quick “no thanks” takes 10 seconds to type, even if you’re only using your thumbs. Are you in this league or not?

And That Guy doesn’t take no for an answer. If I didn’t want to do the deal in the first place, I’m probably not going to want to do it the 10th time you ask, either.

That Guy talks a bunch of smack but whines when anyone else gives it back to him. You’re either in or you’re out, kid. Don’t dish what you can’t take.

That Guy bails on the season when his team starts losing. Have some pride. You signed up for a league — play it out. It matters to the others in the league. If you can’t handle five minutes a week to set your lineup 14 times in a row (since you’re out of the playoffs), don’t join.

That Guy thinks his team name is the most original name ever, but fails to realize a million different people have all made the same “Double Dwayne Bowe” wordplay. I should do a whole column about that. The most obvious and overused team names. Puns off of Bowe, Arian Foster’s first name and Michael Vick’s last name could fill a column on their own.

That Guy vetoes a trade because it didn’t involve him or her. I’ve said it a million times: The art of negotiating is a skill in fantasy and it is not your job to coach someone else’s team. As long as both teams feel the deal helps their team, regardless of whether you agree, it should go through. The only time a trade should be vetoed is if there is proof of collusion. Otherwise, win on the cyber field, not in bureaucracy. Seriously, de facto vetoing of trades makes you a weasel, not a smart owner.

And as long as we are on deals, That Guy’s word isn’t worth anything. If you agree to a deal, it’s a deal. That Guy will verbally agree to a deal but, then, if something better comes along, or something happens before it can be processed, will rescind the deal. When you agree to a deal, it’s done. Your word needs to mean something.

That Guy is late on making good on his league entry obligations. Really man? If you can’t, don’t join. And if you can, don’t make me chase you down.

That Guy brags about his team and getting “sleepers.” You’re right dude. You’re the only one who saw that Dez Bryant might be good this year.

That Guy can’t think for himself. I can’t tell you how many tweets I get that the person has asked multiple analysts the same question. So you don’t care who gives you advice as long as it’s someone? Anyone? How many opinions do you need? I never answer those.

Or worse, That Guy just blindly follows someone’s advice. I’m the first person to say “It’s your team, you know it better than I do, use me and others as a resource but, ultimately, you should be the one to pull the trigger.”

That Guy is lazy. Or stupid. Can’t tell you how many “this RB or that RB” questions I get. I’m like … you realize I rank every player every week for exactly this reason, right? If it’s a weird scoring system or a running back versus wide receiver question that you want my take on, I get it. But in general, if I have one player ranked higher than another, that’s whom I would start. Check my rankings. I don’t do them for my health.

That Guy is irrational. No, LeGarrette Blount will not average only five carries a game this season. Calm down.

That Guy is someone who asks for your opinion and argues with you. Hey, you asked for my opinion. I gave it to you. I don’t care if you take it or ignore it, just don’t argue with me about it.

That Guy is an Internet tough guy. If you wouldn’t say it my face, don’t say it on a message board or behind a screen name. Nobody is perfect, tough guy, not even you.

That Guy doesn’t read the league rules or emails, but then asks the commish 10 minutes before the draft, “Hey, how do I log in? And wait, this is a PPR league?”

That Guy is a sexist. Won’t let a woman in his league or thinks it’s the end of the world when he loses to a woman. Some of the smartest sports people I know and best fantasy players I’ve seen are women. Everyone plays. Get used to it and get better.

Having said that, don’t be That Guy who brings his non-playing girlfriend or wife to the draft. If you’re not in the league, you’re not invited.

But mostly, That Guy ruins your enjoyment of the greatest game ever invented. Don’t be That Guy.

PatronBowl Week 2 in the books!

Week 2 is in the books and i got my first win! It wasn’t pretty and i was nervous all the way into Monday nights game. I was up by 10 going into Monday nights game with Hakeem Nicks questionable for the game. Huss Monkeys (my opponent) had Mario Manningham left to play and with Hakeem nicked up i thought for sure i was gonna lose. Luckily Hakeem played and Mario left the game at the half with a concussion to secure my win. Hakeem didn’t really perform up to normal expectations but his points did the job. The Giants were targeting Mario pretty often and on deep passing routes, so i think if Mario would’ve stayed in the game i would have lost. But now i sit in 5th on the board after week 2 with a matchup against the leagues hottest team in week 3.

That “hottest team” is the Forty Whiners. He took out last years second place team by 54 points. Brians team is looking good and i’m not looking forward to this matchup. I may have to put my hopes in some longshots on my roster. He finished off TeamSplinters in week 2 with Plaxico Burress in his lineup who got him a big goose egg! And he still beat him by over 50! This makes 2 weeks in a row he’s scored over 200. Ok Brian, good luck! I know your at the Nevada State Police academy now so i hope you really don’t have that much time to check your lineup…………. if that even really matters with your team!

Other week 2 matchups had the Roostr beating BBFCFM to get to a quiet 2-0. Chiefs Fan is also 2-0 after beating Show Me The Money with a little help from Miles Austin and Matthew Stafford. And the Battle of the brothers ended with LDiggity getting the best of Cardinal and Gold thanks to a pretty well rounded lineup effort. Well, maybe except for DeSean Jackson, but hey, a win is a win.

Good luck in week 3!

Here’s the rankings so far:

PatronBowl Week 1 in the books!

Going into Monday night’s second game i had slim chance of coming back from a 25 point deficit…… slim, but it was still a chance. I just needed my last guy, Run DMC, to go off against the Broncos. It was looking pretty bad for a while there then he broke a 47 yarder!! YEAH!! Wait! What just happened?……………… he was stopped short of the goal line???? Ahh SHIT!!! After that he pretty much relinquished duties to Michael Bush. Figures, i ended up losing by 7pts! I do feel a little ok about it though because it was week one and i lost the first game of the season last year but still made the playoffs. Just have to remember…….. WEEK 1! All my guys pretty much went off for a hundred yards but none of them scored any TD’s! If maybe 1 or 2 of them gets a TD, i have nothing to worry about. OH, and then there was the Pittsburgh fiasco! I started Roethlisberger………….. enough said! I just hope Arian Foster is back week 2 and he’s not gimpy.

Then there was the FortyWhiner stellar comeback. He was down about 89 points going into Mondays games and then Tom Brady happened! He was still down a few points in the 4th quarter and the Pats were backed up on their own 1. Then Brady threw 20 or so yards to Welker and he took it to the house…………. GAME OVER!! He must’ve been doing the CabbagePatch after that play!

All in all, every matchup ended up being pretty close. No issues that needed to resolved. No one complained about scoring……………. looks like it’s starting off to be a good year. This week i have a tough matchup against the defending champ and the brothers Hill play each other. Team Splinters, who’s already been dubbed Susan Lucci because he was mad nobody voted for him in his matchup, goes up against the comeback kid FortyWhiner. The biggest margin of victory winner, The Roostr (no E) goes up against BBFCFM, who beat me last week. You got lucky Cuz!  And then “Where’s my 2 points” Chiefs Fan goes up against ” i might as well chill the Patron” Show Me The Money.

Here’s the standings after week 1 and now on to WEEK 2!

Good luck!

Lightning Strike Aftermath

On Saturday morning we had a nice sized thunderstorm that produced large amounts of thunder and lightning and even some hail. The storm was big enough to knock my directv out for a while. Sabrina and i were watching the hail come down from our living room patio door with Goldie. We had just brought Goldie in luckily because it started dumping rain and i’m not sure he would’ve liked the hail. As we were watching, the largest and most awe inspiring crackle of lightning struck like it was right on top of our house. Sabrina and i both were kind of knocked back a few steps from the sound. I have never ever heard a sound so loud in my life. It was a Wrath of God type of sound, words do not do it justice. It almost seemed like the lightning struck right on the other side of our backyard hill. Later when everything had calmed and we felt better about leaving Goldie at home in the yard we ran some errands and found the spot where that bolt hit. Instead of being right on the other side of the hill it was actually about a half mile away on El Toro Rd. Here’s a few shots of the aftermath and the poor palm tree that took the brunt of the fierce storm.

PatronBowl is publicly viewable….

Just in case anybody wants to check out the action or read the boards (you will not be able to post or comment)…….


Here’s the URL

Patron Bowl stats going into Sunday!

My Los Bastardos received a decent game from my 8th round draft pick Robert Meachem. He had 5 catches for 70 yards and a TD to get me 18 pts. I just hope it’s enough, my opponent “BBFCFM” hasn’t had anybody play yet. Marques Colston did go down with a broken collarbone though and is out for 4 weeks or so, so Meachem gets a bump on the depth chart. That should help me for the next few weeks.

“FortyWhiner” got a nice game from Jennings to pull him ahead of “ShowMeTheMoney”. As usual Brees and Rodgers went off in their debut to give “TheRoostr” and “HussMonkeys” some nice go ahead points.

But it all comes down to Sunday. All those points we get on a Thursday are nice, but if the rest of our team doesn’t perform on Sunday and the other team goes off…………………then it doesn’t mean shit!

All eyes will be on Stattracker come Sunday! Well, the teams that actually give a shit will be watching………………………. update on Sunday!

Too hot not to swim!