PatronBowl 2014!!

I’m really sorry i didn’t get around to posting last year. Not sure if it was due to lack of interest (my team sucked) or if i was that busy. Hopefully i can stay on top of things this year.

Congrats to last years winner of the Golden Patron…… Chiefs Fan!
Forty Whiner brings the loser Patron to the draft……….chill that shit bitch!
Roostr returns to the league and ALSO has to bring a bottle of patron…….chill that shit bitch!

OH! Did i mention Huss Monkeys will actually be at the draft this year….. all the way from North Carolina???

But a new year brings new excitement.
Let the smack talk begin!
The draft will be held at my house on August 23rd at 10 am!
It’s going to be a blast! We will have the electronic draft board as well as the physical board to set out by the pool for after draft trade scenarios!

Look at what i received just in time. I almost forgot to order them.



Here is the Official draft order for this year. Good luck everyone!

#1 – Who Dat
#2 – Cardinal&Gold
#3 – L-diggity
#4 – Los Bastardos
#5 – Chiefs Fan
#6 – Hades Star
#7 – Roostr
#8 – Forty Whiner
#10 – Huss Monkeys


And away we go!

It’s time to get the 2013 PatronBowl started and this years draft order will be determined a little different. This year the Kentucky Derby will decide the fate of the 10 returning managers draft position. Utilizing a random draft order generator specifically designed for Fantasy Football Leagues, that result determines the horse each manager must count on to bring a high draft pick home!

This adds a little more excitement to the whole process of determining draft position and it ultimately is in the hands of the horse racing Gods! Total randomness taken a little further……………..

So here’s the final post position and manager assignments.

1. Onyx – Forty Whiner

2. Oxbow – ROOSTr

3. Revolutionary – Chiefs Fan

4. Golden Soul – L-Diggity

5. Normandy Invasion – The Underachievers

6. Mylute – Cardinal & Gold

7. Giant Finish – BBFCFM

8. Goldencents – Los Bastardos

9. Overanalyze – Huss Monkeys

10. Palace Malice – Hades Star

Should one of the above horses scratch before the race, here are the second 10 horses with manager assignments. These horses are only to be used if the first pick scratches!

11. Lines of Battle – BBFCFM

12. Itsmyluckyday – The Underachievers

13. Falling Sky – L-Diggity

14. Verrazano – Hades Star

15. Charming Kitten – Chiefs Fan

16. Orb – Los Bastardos

17. Will Take Charge – Huss Monkeys

18. Frac Daddy – ROOSTr

19. Java’s War – Forty Whiner

20. Vyjack – Cardinal & Gold

Good Luck everybody!


Are we talking about the playoffs? Yes we are! Round 1! The playoffs have finally arrived. With the end of the regular fantasy football season upon us, the top 6 teams out of 10 are ready for battle! Who will win the coveted golden patron? Who will unseat the reigning 2 time champ? Will someone new finally win? Of course Chiefs Fan and Roostr (no e) get to sit back and watch the first round contenders duke it out since they finished 1 and 2 in the league and get the bye. Good luck to everybody! Let’s check out what’s on tap for this weekend!

Matchup 1
(6)L-Diggity vs. (3)Team Splinters:


In this corner we have 6th seed L-Diggity, who came back from a mass decimation
of his draft day picks due to injury, to somehow make the playoffs.
Is he doing it with smoke and mirrors? Or is Digg toying with the other managers.
showcasing his mad free agent pickups and trade skills?


Team Splinters

In this corner we have 3rd seed Team Splinters…….
still not sure where he got the name, but he’s taking care of business.
In what just may be the highest rate of free agent pickups in PatronBowl history,
he finished in 3rd place for the regular season. 

Here’s the matchup:


Matchup 2
(5)BBFCFM vs. (4)Huss Monkeys:


In this corner we have BBFCFM, who didn’t have too bad of a season
considering he was waiting for Chris Johnson to come back from the dead.
He finished as the 5th seed at 7-6. He has been putting up some high
points lately and just may be underestimated.


Huss Monkeys

And finally in this corner we have 4th seeded Huss Monkeys,
who is looking for that 3rd championship in as many years.
What can i say about this guy, he just gets it done.
Can he pull it out and advance to the next round?

Here’s the matchup:

And “LAST” but not least…..

 With the end of the regular season comes the last place award. I’m still trying to decide on a name for this. I’m leaning towards the “Shane Laden” but i’m not sold yet. I still have to think of a trophy design also. Last place gets to buy the Patron for the following years draft……… LUCKY GUY! But first a run down of past years’ lucky Patron buyers:

2010: Show Me The Money

2009: El Presidente

2008: Chiefs Fan

2007: Show Me The Money

And this year the award goes to:

Cardinal & Gold

In the immortal words of L-Diggity………. “make sure that shit is chilled!”

Zack the Bearfighter!

This dude knocks it out of the park each time and should be on your list as must read.

If you haven’t read this guy’s blog, do yourself a favor…………. you wont regret it!

Carson Palmer officially a Raider!

This pic just looks plain weird to me! I’ve always been a Carson Palmer and USC fan, but never a Raiders fan. I’m just glad to see the Heisman Trophy winner back and wish him nothing but success! After all, i still have my signed Carson Palmer USC jersey! Word is they are going to start him right away…….? He already knows the playbook? I hope he’s in game shape. He also had 20 interceptions last year. Good Luck!

A great short film about Arian Foster from ESPN

This is a nice piece on Arian Foster from ESPN’s E60. I had no idea he was from Albuquerque, so is my mom’s side of the family. Damn we might be long lost cousins? LOL!

Namaste Arian, good luck to you!

The video can be see here:

E60:Arian Foster

Don’t Be “That Guy!”…….. LOL! Whatever!

I came across an article last week by Matthew Berry from ESPN. It’s about being “THAT GUY” in a fantasy football league. You know the type, every league has one or more. But that’s what makes leagues funny and at the end of the season everyone has something to remember. Some people take it a little more serious than others and that’s not my fault, but it always gets someone upset.  Unless you’ve just been gang raped by your league, at which point you might want to consider finding another league, i doubt anyone is really trying to do you any harm. After all, i would assume your in a league with a bunch of guys you actually know. If not, that’s your fault for not having friends that like sports………. go pour yourself a glass of zinfandel, turn on dancing with the stars and cry yourself to sleep. Just make sure since your doing the crying that you actually know what your doing. Fantasy Football should be all about having fun. Sure there are some heated exchanges on the message boards during the year, but hey, we’re guys! We can actually go off on a friend and ten minutes later we could be laughing together about something else. Those are the kind of guys i want to hang out with. Never take it personal, or else forget Fantasy Football and take up knitting you bitch! LOL!

I thought this article, when read by some of the guys in our league would automatically think of one or more of the other owners………….. enjoy!

By Matthew Berry
Turns out, Jeff is “That Guy.”

Jeff P., from Snyder, Texas, wrote to me with the following.

“Yo! What’s up with this line from your ‘Draft Day Manifesto’? ‘And certainly, Ben Roethlisberger will be solid.’ (What) happened there in Week 1? Is he going to be going the way of Donovan McNabb or does he really have a comeback season in him somewhere? I need to know before I drop him and try to pick up Cam Newton.”

First, Jeff, I think what happened to Ben in Week 1 was that Baltimore exposed a weak Steelers offensive line and came much more prepared to play. And losing Willie Colon for the season doesn’t help Ben at all.


It’s not a comeback season you’re looking for because there is nothing to come back from. Ben was terrific from a fantasy perspective last season, and he led his team to the Super Bowl. The Steelers play the NFC West this year, starting with a nice home game against the Seahawks this week. He is in the same system, with the same coaches and elite playmakers around him, which is a completely different situation than McNabb is in. The comparison is, to be kind, insane.

I’m pretty sure not even Cam Newton would drop Big Ben for himself after just one week.

Ben will be just fine so, no, I do not recommend dropping him for a rookie who had one good game. Yes, Cam Newton put up an impressive display and is an interesting pickup, but it was one game against one of the worst pass defenses in the league that was geared toward stopping Carolina’s run game. In fact, I’ll even say I’d rather have Rex Grossman or Chad Henne this year than Cam Newton, if you’re looking for a guy. (If you read last week’s “You Heard Me,” you’ll see I am high on both as sleepers this year.)

Don’t be “That Guy,” Jeff. The overreacting guy.

Like anything else in life, there is a right way to do fantasy football and a wrong way. No one likes “That Guy.” Not even if “That Guy” is a girl.

What defines “That Guy?” I asked the gang on my Facebook page and on Twitter what one thing annoyed them the most. This elicited a deluge of responses, more than any other question I have ever posed, and they’re still pouring in.

So, be honest. Are you “That Guy?”

That Guy whines about what could have been. “I would have won if I had started Early Doucet instead of Roddy White.” Yeah, dude, because you’re the only one who would have had a better lineup if you could see into the future.

That Guy talks about his team non-stop. Listen, the least interesting thing in the world to anyone (except me, because it’s my job) is having to hear about any team that is not theirs. You didn’t ask about my team, why do you think I care about yours?

That Guy suggests insane trade offers. No, dude, I do not want to deal Vincent Jackson for Ted Ginn, despite Week 1 results. I’m gonna try and hang tough here. If you wouldn’t trade Vincent Jackson for Ted Ginn, why do you think I would? Unless you’d be honestly willing to do the same trade in reverse, don’t offer it.

Speaking of trades, That Guy doesn’t respond to reasonable trade offers and ignores emails. Hey, you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. A quick “no thanks” takes 10 seconds to type, even if you’re only using your thumbs. Are you in this league or not?

And That Guy doesn’t take no for an answer. If I didn’t want to do the deal in the first place, I’m probably not going to want to do it the 10th time you ask, either.

That Guy talks a bunch of smack but whines when anyone else gives it back to him. You’re either in or you’re out, kid. Don’t dish what you can’t take.

That Guy bails on the season when his team starts losing. Have some pride. You signed up for a league — play it out. It matters to the others in the league. If you can’t handle five minutes a week to set your lineup 14 times in a row (since you’re out of the playoffs), don’t join.

That Guy thinks his team name is the most original name ever, but fails to realize a million different people have all made the same “Double Dwayne Bowe” wordplay. I should do a whole column about that. The most obvious and overused team names. Puns off of Bowe, Arian Foster’s first name and Michael Vick’s last name could fill a column on their own.

That Guy vetoes a trade because it didn’t involve him or her. I’ve said it a million times: The art of negotiating is a skill in fantasy and it is not your job to coach someone else’s team. As long as both teams feel the deal helps their team, regardless of whether you agree, it should go through. The only time a trade should be vetoed is if there is proof of collusion. Otherwise, win on the cyber field, not in bureaucracy. Seriously, de facto vetoing of trades makes you a weasel, not a smart owner.

And as long as we are on deals, That Guy’s word isn’t worth anything. If you agree to a deal, it’s a deal. That Guy will verbally agree to a deal but, then, if something better comes along, or something happens before it can be processed, will rescind the deal. When you agree to a deal, it’s done. Your word needs to mean something.

That Guy is late on making good on his league entry obligations. Really man? If you can’t, don’t join. And if you can, don’t make me chase you down.

That Guy brags about his team and getting “sleepers.” You’re right dude. You’re the only one who saw that Dez Bryant might be good this year.

That Guy can’t think for himself. I can’t tell you how many tweets I get that the person has asked multiple analysts the same question. So you don’t care who gives you advice as long as it’s someone? Anyone? How many opinions do you need? I never answer those.

Or worse, That Guy just blindly follows someone’s advice. I’m the first person to say “It’s your team, you know it better than I do, use me and others as a resource but, ultimately, you should be the one to pull the trigger.”

That Guy is lazy. Or stupid. Can’t tell you how many “this RB or that RB” questions I get. I’m like … you realize I rank every player every week for exactly this reason, right? If it’s a weird scoring system or a running back versus wide receiver question that you want my take on, I get it. But in general, if I have one player ranked higher than another, that’s whom I would start. Check my rankings. I don’t do them for my health.

That Guy is irrational. No, LeGarrette Blount will not average only five carries a game this season. Calm down.

That Guy is someone who asks for your opinion and argues with you. Hey, you asked for my opinion. I gave it to you. I don’t care if you take it or ignore it, just don’t argue with me about it.

That Guy is an Internet tough guy. If you wouldn’t say it my face, don’t say it on a message board or behind a screen name. Nobody is perfect, tough guy, not even you.

That Guy doesn’t read the league rules or emails, but then asks the commish 10 minutes before the draft, “Hey, how do I log in? And wait, this is a PPR league?”

That Guy is a sexist. Won’t let a woman in his league or thinks it’s the end of the world when he loses to a woman. Some of the smartest sports people I know and best fantasy players I’ve seen are women. Everyone plays. Get used to it and get better.

Having said that, don’t be That Guy who brings his non-playing girlfriend or wife to the draft. If you’re not in the league, you’re not invited.

But mostly, That Guy ruins your enjoyment of the greatest game ever invented. Don’t be That Guy.